how do i stop growing up this isn’t fun anymore
1. You forgot my birthday every year for seven years, and you’ll forget this one as well. Excuse me whilst I forget kissing you under bridges and the dirty mattress upon which you held my hand and said, ‘I love you’.
2. The ones who chase the hardest fall the furthest behind once they have caught, don’t you think? In my mother’s spare room, you taught me my first lesson in faking it.
3. I’m sorry I made your back bleed, but then what did you expect when you fucked the crazy bitch from high school in a dew-damp field?
4. I always liked how one of your green eyes couldn’t see; together we had 20/20, if only for a week.
5. Fifth in line, first to teach me true disappointment through dishonesty. I’d say I wish you well, if we could add ‘fall down a’ into the middle somewhere. Thanks for the scars down my back though, asshole.
6. With every thrust, Number 5’s name ran through my head. Sorry. Henry Miller novels will always remind me of beer-stained kisses from you now.
7. I thought I loved you and I still don’t know; I said, ‘Surprise me!’ and you flipped my world upside down. Loving me later wasn’t enough, isn’t enough and it’s why I don’t answer the phone when you call, why I decline your offers of dinner, why I once turned my head even though I knew you’d seen me.
19. I thought that every time I tried to kiss my light inside of you, to absorb your pain through my fingertips, that some of my shine would dull. So far, you appear to be exposing me as an infinite resource… Or maybe it just isn’t working.” —
Notes to the notches on my bedpost, part one;